This the final piece of a three-part blog post about some of the lessons God has been teaching us in 2014. In our first blog post, we set the series up, and shared about Lesson 1: It's His Plan, His Work. Not Ours. In the second post we focus on two more lessons - Lesson 2: Wait for the Lord; God Leads, God Guides - in His Perfect Timing and Lesson 3: God Provides - in His Perfect Timing. Below are the final two lessons from 2014 that we wanted to share with you in this blog post.
Lesson 4: Mercy in Marriage [and All Other Relationships]
This past Fall, we spent several afternoons working in the garden together listening to a wonderful sermon series that taught us a lot and reminded us of some critically important lessons for Christian marriage and other relationships in general. We would highly recommend for anyone to listen to this sermon series - whether you're married or single - as it has many lessons that are so crucial for Christians to apply to all relationships. The sermon series, When Marriage and Mercy Collide, can be listened to or downloaded by clicking here. In this sermon series, Brad Bigney makes a compelling and convicting case for several things we should put into practice in our relationships. A couple of the things that the Lord reminded us through this sermon series are summarized below.
Why do you see the speck that is in your brother's eye,
but do not notice the log that is in your own eye?
Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’
when there is the log in your own eye?
You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye,
and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother's eye.
- Matthew 7:3-5
but do not notice the log that is in your own eye?
Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’
when there is the log in your own eye?
You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye,
and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother's eye.
- Matthew 7:3-5
See yourself as sinner more than sinned against. See your sin first, see it as worse, and see it as what you can work on most. We naturally look first to others' sins and offenses, and it's easy to forget how much we sin (and thus how much we as believers have been forgiven). Focusing on our sin more than our spouse's sins doesn't mean he or she doesn't sin, but by doing this, we keep at the forefront of our mind how much mercy and grace God has poured out on us, which gives us a whole new perspective on their sin against us. Because of his acute awareness of his own sin, Paul considered himself as the "foremost of sinners" (1 Timothy 1:15); this gave him an even greater appreciation for the mercy and grace of God toward him.
So speak and so act as those who are to be judged under the law of liberty.
For judgment is without mercy to one who has shown no mercy.
Mercy triumphs over judgment.
- James 2:12-13
For judgment is without mercy to one who has shown no mercy.
Mercy triumphs over judgment.
- James 2:12-13
Brad uses Paul Tripp's definition of mercy: "Mercy is the kind, sympathetic and forgiving treatment of others that works to relieve their distress and to cancel their debt." If we are believers in Jesus Christ, we have received so much undeserved mercy that this should be overflowing into our relationships. When we extend mercy, it sweetens our relationships and shows our spouses the love of Christ. This sometimes hurts, as we extend mercy when we are wronged, but this is what God calls us to in our relationships. We should have the heart of extending to others the mercy we ourselves have received from Christ.
Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved,
compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience,
bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another,
forgiving each other as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.
- Colossians 3:12-13
compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience,
bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another,
forgiving each other as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.
- Colossians 3:12-13
In the past almost-three years (are we really coming up on our 3rd anniversary?!? How did we get so old?!), we have found that marriage provides plenty of opportunities for extending mercy and grace toward one another...which is another way of saying that even though we love each other, as two sinners living under the same roof, we sin against and hurt each other on a regular basis. This year, we're spending more time together than we ever have. Although this certainly isn't the case for most couples in ministry, the nature of our current situation is that we have very similar roles in our ministry right now. This means that we work together, serve together, sleep together, shop together, hang out with friends together, navigate a new language and culture together, and spend free time together. There are many aspects of this life that are wonderful, and we are so grateful for this opportunity to be serving as a team this year. But for you newlyweds who might be romanticizing about being together with your spouse nearly 24/7, allow us to remind you that constant physical proximity to your spouse will also lead to many more of these...opportunities to extend mercy and grace toward each other. (Don't get us wrong; we do really enjoy and appreciate the opportunity to be together more often! We know we have such a unique situation, and are experiencing something most couples never get the chance to experience. We are particularly grateful when we reflect on life before moving here, as our work lives frequently prevented us from being together; we worked full-time in different states, Maggie traveled a lot for work, and we both commuted a minimum of 1 1/2 hours in different directions each day. Talk about going from one extreme to the other!)
In his book Sacred Marriage, Gary Thomas talks about how marriage exposes our "character flaws, selfishness, and anti-Christian attitudes" and how it "encourages us "to be sanctified and cleansed and to grow in godliness." Being close to another person exposes our flesh and thus gives us opportunity to become more like Christ. So what do we do with that opportunity? Do we harbor anger and bitterness at one another as we see and suffer from each other's sin? Do we react to the other's sin with our own sinful, harsh responses? Or do we choose to forgive and to extend undeserved grace, humbly asking the other to do the same for us? In marriage, we daily have the opportunity to imitate Jesus.
In his book Sacred Marriage, Gary Thomas talks about how marriage exposes our "character flaws, selfishness, and anti-Christian attitudes" and how it "encourages us "to be sanctified and cleansed and to grow in godliness." Being close to another person exposes our flesh and thus gives us opportunity to become more like Christ. So what do we do with that opportunity? Do we harbor anger and bitterness at one another as we see and suffer from each other's sin? Do we react to the other's sin with our own sinful, harsh responses? Or do we choose to forgive and to extend undeserved grace, humbly asking the other to do the same for us? In marriage, we daily have the opportunity to imitate Jesus.
When he was reviled, He did not revile in return;
when he suffered, He did not threaten,
but continued entrusting Himself to Him who judges justly.
- 1 Peter 2:23
when he suffered, He did not threaten,
but continued entrusting Himself to Him who judges justly.
- 1 Peter 2:23
So that's it. Will we entrust ourselves to God by extending this undeserved mercy to others? To our spouse, our parents, our roommate, our coworkers, our boss, the random guy who cuts us off on the street, the mean old lady who pushes us with all her might on the bus while surely saying terrible things to us under her breath in Russian? (Oh wait...that last one's just us?) God is giving both of us plenty of opportunities to grow in grace and mercy toward each other this year, and although we are remarkably imperfect in doing so, He is teaching us more about His incredible, unconditional, selfless love for us in the process.
Lesson 5: God's Heart of Adoption
Because of our weekly visits to a local children's orphanage, we have been reflecting on orphanhood and adoption much more than we used to in the United States. We grieve so much for these children who have lost parents or are simply unwanted or unable to be cared for by their families. Thankfully, the children at this orphanage have their physical needs met, but of course children have needs far beyond physical ones. In addition to normal sin patterns displayed by young children, even at 2-4 years old (the age group we work with), several of these children already show signs of emotional and behavioral issues. We also note a wariness of Trey in several of the children who have likely had very little, if any, positive experiences with males in their lives.
Father of the fatherless and protector of widows is God in his holy habitation.
-Psalms 68:5
-Psalms 68:5
As we love on these children, play with them, and pray for them, we are continually reminded of God's heart for them. In the Bible, God is called the Father to the Fatherless (Psalm 68:5), Helper to the Fatherless (Psalm 10:14), and it says that He defends (Psalm 10:18) and sustains (Psalm 146:9) the orphan and the widow. Numerous passages command not to oppress or take advantage of the fatherless, and according to James, one of the key parts of true religion is to visit orphans (James 1:27). What a heart of love our Father has for those who lack physical parents! Our prayer for these children is first and foremost, that they will know God's heart of love for them and the sacrifice that Jesus made on their behalf, so that they can be reconciled to God in spite of their sin through faith in Jesus. Our second prayer for these children is that God would place them in good families (Psalm 68:6) who will love and care for them.
Although we miss them, we are so happy that there are a couple children we no longer see when visiting because they were adopted! In particular, we remember one sweet little girl Carolina, who had the sweetest, most gentle spirit, but would quickly fluctuate between quiet fascination with us and gut-wrenching sobbing sometimes for seemingly no reason. She would often cling to a single caregiver, but they rotate frequently, so she often seemed heartbroken over the constant change and lack of continuity in care. We are so glad to know that she has a real home now with a mom and a dad who constantly care for her. We have also seen a couple of children under consideration for adoption not get adopted. The heartbreak they must experience is unimaginable to us. We pray that God will protect their fragile hearts, continue to show His love for them, and that He would be preparing a wonderful home for them with a loving family.
Although we miss them, we are so happy that there are a couple children we no longer see when visiting because they were adopted! In particular, we remember one sweet little girl Carolina, who had the sweetest, most gentle spirit, but would quickly fluctuate between quiet fascination with us and gut-wrenching sobbing sometimes for seemingly no reason. She would often cling to a single caregiver, but they rotate frequently, so she often seemed heartbroken over the constant change and lack of continuity in care. We are so glad to know that she has a real home now with a mom and a dad who constantly care for her. We have also seen a couple of children under consideration for adoption not get adopted. The heartbreak they must experience is unimaginable to us. We pray that God will protect their fragile hearts, continue to show His love for them, and that He would be preparing a wonderful home for them with a loving family.
He predestined us for adoption as sons through Jesus Christ,
according to the purpose of his will.
-Ephesians 1:5
according to the purpose of his will.
-Ephesians 1:5
Another thing that we reflect on as we think about adoption is the most beautiful and precious adoption experience that we have ever experienced: adoption into the family of God. Because Christ took the penalty for our sin through His death on the cross for our sins, if anyone accepts His sacrifice on their behalf, they become a child of of God. How undeserving and yet how blessed we are to be God's children! In our time here, we saw one child in the process of being adopted who spurned the gift of love, acceptance, and adoption; because of hurt, anger, and perhaps some psychological issues, she claimed she didn't want to be adopted and she angrily refused to accept these parents who expressed their intent to adopt her. Her heart was hardened to their love, even though love and adoption was surely the very thing she had hoped for and dreamed of. When we observed this, we were struck by the poignant picture this provided. How many of us have hardened our heart to a Father who wants to love us, care for us, and wants the very best for us? How many of us have angrily refused to accept His love - either for a time or even for our whole lives? It is so difficult to unconditionally love someone who refuses the free offer of selfless love, and yet that is exactly what God did for us. He loved us and gave His only Son as a sacrifice in our place when we wanted nothing to do with Him. Have you accepted this love from Him? Do you want to understand more about this love? If you have accepted Christ's sacrifice for you, are you growing in relationship with Him, showing this love to others, and telling others about it?
What about you? We'd love to hear from you. What did God teach you in 2014? How did He challenge you? What do you look forward to in 2015?